Have you ever....

done as much as you possibly could and felt that you could do nothing else? I feel like I've put my heart and soul into showing something that nobody else seems to see. They say they understand, but I honestly don't think they do. Maybe I'm doing it wrong? Orrrrrr, maybe they just don't catch my ever so obvious and passionate drift?



Who knows?

I'll take this one back

Yep lol

Distancing Epiphanies

Doesn't it suck when you see someone or something that reminds you of how you used to be? Like, it doesn't even matter how far you've progressed or anything, its just when you are reminded of the past in a bad way. It sucks really. Today, I was reminded about that about 3 or 4 times. Now, a wise woman once told me that I shouldn't dwell on the past too much because I can't control it, but its still a natural action when you think about the past. Sometimes, it can even set me back a few steps because I realize that the things I thought I had accomplished, I never truly accomplished at all. Maybe I think too much, or maybe I just want more in life, and you can't be mad at me for that. Catch my drift?

If you love someone...

If you love someone, then unfortunately, sometimes even if you try your hardest, you can't be with them the way that you want to, and you may never be satisfied with anyone other than that person. However, if you REALLY love someone, you'll be more than satisfied simply for the fact that they're still in your life, somehow, some way. Just to know that they're out there happy should make you happy. To know that you can make them smile and laugh just the way you adored should make you happy. To know that you two are still good friends and haven't lost all contact should make you happy, and so on and so forth.




Sure, you may HATE IT that you're not/can't be together, but if you loved them like you say you do, then just having them in your life still should make you happy. Catch my drift?





EDIT: Btw, you CAN'T just stop loving someone. You either love them forever, or you never did.

Blue Balls, Blue Heart (Part Dos)

When a girl gets a guy aroused as if he's going to interact with her sexually, but he ends up "unsatisfied" as the result, he suffers from what is known as, "blue balls".



I feel like I have blue heart sometimes.



Use context clues to figure out what "blue heart" is, and you'll catch my drift.









Credit to Sili for helping with the term "blue heart" *winks* lmfao

Blue Balls, Blue Heart

You put the pieces of that title together and you'll catch my drift.










More on this later though.

Desperation (Poem...thingy lol)

Desperation leads to hesitation, and it also creates accelerated expectations that if not met the correct way, leads to degradation.

Degradation only creates a self-hatred that could've been prevented with self-realization and meditation.

This meditation gives you a better mentality to ease and help the pain with.

Instead of chasing hopeless goals with desperation, your mind and body could be in better places.

When setting places in your heart, not everyone makes the same reservations.

Because I know this information, I can no longer lower MY self-respect to the likes of begging and extra chasing and losing my sanity just because I'm never patient.

In a sense, I've made a dedication AGAINST my dedications, and sometimes it hurts, but shit, its better than depression ain't it?

So don't question where my faith is, cause its there, and if nobody can see it, I won't be lowered to desperation.

Catch my drift?

"You don't know what you have, 'til its gone"

Now, this quote is very powerful, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I disagree with it. Maybe because I appreciate certain things or certain people in my life while they are still here. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it does take something to go away for you to realize what you had. If it would be anything for me, I'd have to say that if I lost something material like my iron, or my webcam, or my iPod or something like that, then I'd realize how much I use(d) it and what not, but even me typing that shows you how much I know that I use those items, but like I said, those are just items. As far as people, I try to appreciate them as much as I can until the day that they end up going (if they leave).

Sometimes, I put people at a higher standard in my eyes, simply for the fact that I expect more from them, want more for them, and would help them achieve anything that they wanted. Those are the people that are the most special to me, and if they are special to me, I let them know that as much as I possibly can. There are probably, hmmm... no more than 20 people, (that are OUTSIDE of family) give or take, in this world that I look at in that manner, and sometimes it hurts when they don't realize that I see them the way that I do.

I would never intentionally leave anyone I care about, nor would I ever purposely wrong or hurt someone that I care about, and like I previously stated, it sucks when they don't realize that. It sucks even more when people in the past that I've cared for the way I described, do it to me, then it comes back around to that quote...

I know what I have/had, and I appreciate the things, opportunities, and people, that I bring into my life; and I don't need for something to go away from me to realize that either. Then again, the quote doesn't apply to everyone. Maybe those people that went and abandoned me in the past should think about that quote, and some have, but sometimes those people who try to just bring me back in their life after they realize it don't just get me back, because I realized that those people, to an extent, were not worth it. Hmmmm.. maybe I did realize what I had till it was gone for those people way back in the past, and it was nothing.

My point is, readers, don't wait until something is gone for you to realize what you had. Appreciate the people and things in your life, and take advantage of every good opportunity that you come across. Maybe when you appreciate it that much and it leaves, it ends up making the pain worse... wait it DOES make the pain worse, I've experienced it....






but you catch my drift.

Quote of the day...or of early this morning

So, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, and we were talking for a little bit, and as the conversation got deeper, she told me this:


"CJ, you're not different. You're just how every guy SHOULD be."


And THAT is the quote of the day..well weekend, and it makes so much sense. Soak it in. Catch my drift?

Sleep!

Ok, now those who know me, know that I don't sleep a lot at night time, and I only do it during the day between classes and what not. I can not really control this because after summer after summer and days and days with working on my music at late night, I only feel appropriate to stay up, and I can't do anything about it haha Anyways, so I always have arguments about this to people as to why I find it more efficient (at times) to have the ability to stay up. First of all, I get good grades in college, so I don't even see why it should matter how much I stay up if I do my work AND do good at it. Secondly, you're going to NEED to be able to stay up till at least 3 AM, from what I've experienced. Staying up until then is nothing to me. Also, think about it like this, if you get a big assignment that will require you to stay up late at night to complete, wouldn't you rather be used to it so that you can just take care of it, or would you rather stay up and deal with finishing the assignment AND staying awake. Just saying, I can do both, efficiently lol For example, I look at my clock now and its 10:14 PM, and some would go, "Damn! I should only stay up for 2 more hours to finish this work!" Whereas I go, "Yay! I still have 6 hours (at least) to do my work! Woooo!" which makes me more relaxed, and I shit on all of yall still cause my work gets done, so boooyahhh!! Oh yea, and I do get kinda tired during the days, but I pay attention enough to get my work done, and get a good grade on it, and I nap most of the day sooooooooooooooooooo decide your next arguments wisely. All I'm saying is, if you can get your work done, get it done how you gotta get it done. Don't knock my sleeping patterns! *cough* mom and dad *cough* *cough* Catch my drift?

Optimism.

You ever feel like you were too optimistic for your own good? Thats how I feel all the time. Like, you know how they say if you don't aim too high, then you won't be too disappointed? Yeah, I don't do that because then that makes you settle for less. I mean, I'm always so optimistic and expecting so much and hoping for more than the average person should, and then I ALWAYS get disappointed. No matter how hard I try to achieve my goals. Sometimes, I think I'm way too optimistic because in the end, I'm never satisfied with anything. Maybe I expect too much out of certain situations, or certain people, or certain things, or whatever. I want to become a little more pessimistic, but then it would be like I previously mentioned, as far as going for less. But like I said, I hate going for something that I'm so optimistic about, and it never happening for me. Makes me pretty sad, and UN-optimistic. Its kind of a circulating cycle of pain at times. Catch my drift?



I'll stick to my optimistic ways. Hopefully one day, I'll be satisfied...




:'(

Say it when you FEEL it.

Some people don't realize the actual seriousness of some of the things they say. Personally, I think that a lot of people say things just because they feel obliged to, or if they feel like if they say something that someone wants to hear it will make things better. This, my friends, creates a false idea of something that you may not really mean. For example, if a girl tells a guy that she loves him, he may feel he HAS to say it only because she told him, when he may not feel the same way just yet. I don't have the most (good) experiences with women, but I'm pretty sure that they appreciate it more when you say it when you ACTUALLY mean it, and not when you feel its the only way to keep her. When you say things like that, you have pretty much signed a contract that you have to fulfill in order to show what you just said, and if you don't feel exactly the way that you say you do, that can be kind of hard to do. Believe it or not, people have higher expectations for you than you think, and they expect you to do the best you can to fulfill that. In the end, if you don't fulfill your impulsive lie, you end up disappointing other people in the process, whether you're talking about doing a favor for someone, loving someone, keeping a promise for someone, etc. In other words, if you say something when you mean it, you will show it more, therefore making it better for you and others. Catch my drift?

Ok, for real this time

Now, last time I was on here, which was about a few days before my birthday. I always say, "Oh yeah, I'm gonna be back and blogging by so and so date" or whatever, and I realized that I always say it and never do it. Lately, I feel like I don't even need a blog anymore. For the past 7-8 months, give or take, I've been on Twitter, and those who follow me know that I like to rant or speak my mind a lot randomly on Twitter, therefore I fulfilled my satisfaction on there, as opposed to doing it on here. Just been thinking, and I think that if I stayed on this blog, my "rants" and my random outbursts of good (and bad) thoughts can be a lot more organized and complete, because I can keep track of them, and also because a blog does not have a 140 character limit. I'm gonna try to get on here more often (for real this time) because I need to speak my mind (outside of music) more properly for you all to understand, and for me to deliver the full effect on what I'm thinking about. Well, yeah. So, "Catch My Drift" will be back and in effect, starting... NOW! Catch my drift?