Auditions Today.

I have no clue man... No clue. I'm being completely honest with this story. Ok ok, well I had my shit ready and what not, all my lyrics memorized all that right, so I KNOW I'm straight as far as that is concerned. Heart pumping, adrenaline rushing, I walk into the room where there are about 6 or 7 judges waiting to hear what I have. So I give him my CD (mind you there are no mics, its just a small room and one of those REAL nice CD players) and I do my thing. So I finish up one song, and they all go, "Yea, the lyrics are crazy man! But you need to give us a little more energy in order to make it more believable for us and the crowd. Remember you're performing this as you would for 106." Mind you that performing WITHOUT a mic AND having energy in a SMALL room is kinda hard WITHOUT looking like a COMPLETE maniac. So I'm like, "OK" as I'm preparing my mind for this next song thats waaaayy more deep and I put a lotta feeling into while writing. So I'm doing that song and I see all the judges nodding their heads and such and I'm putting in MAJOR energy into my voice and all that tryna make sure this comes out as good as possible. So, after the song at FIRST they were like, "You make good music. Who made the beat?" I did. "Who sung the chorus?" I did. "Wow so you really do it all huh?" So now I'm thinking ok cool I redeemed myself, but then they go, "but you still needed a little bit more energy. You have the lyrics, the flow, the beats, but you need more energy." Then it got to the discussion about me needing more experience with performing and that they weren't gonna just put me on TV if I dont have the proper experience, or dont know how to move crowds or w/e. This is where inside I started getting a little mad cause I'm thinking, it took me my FIRST performance to learn how to move a crowd, and ANYONE who was there at Coffeehouse on that Thursday can co-sign that shit. But at this point they were saying that I needed to do more shows (which I kinda agree with) but there ain't no good gigs around here unless youre in a fucking go-go band and shit. Rappers who live in Charles County are pretty much set up to fail with this music environment or w/e. I gotta go outta my way to DC or something to perform in order to get something good for me going I guess. They kept me in there to give me proper feedback, and I REALLY do appreciate it, even though they kept referring back to my quote unquote "energy" when I KNOW I brought it. They were saying that some dudes went in there pretty much chanting ignorant shit, but if they had energy, they had a good look or w/e. One of them said that I am probably just a "make good music in the basement" rapper. That kind of got to me, cause I put my all into everything I do, but at this point I'm thinking I only gave it 99 or 98% compared to my usual 120%. I mean I left the auditions feeling kinda disappointed in myself cause I probably could've done a little more, but I can't really go back now. I feel like I've wasted my dad's time and money getting out there to New York and stuff. It was the longest train ride home in the world. I just kept thinking about it and ways I could've done just a little better. *sigh* I just don't know you guys. I just don't. I had friends, family, even people I'm not familiar with wishing me luck, but idk if it was enough. If you wished me luck, I SINCERELY appreciate it, but wish me luck in these next 2-3 weeks which is the time period where I'll know if I made it or not. Surprisingly, I'm not confident to the point where I KNOW I'll make it or w/e. Everyone told me I would, but thats just friend talk. Well at least I made it this far. But yall know me. Even if I DON'T make it, I'm still gonna give you the music that you guys love and appreciate whether I have "energy" or not. Right now, I'm slightly discouraged, but I never stop what I love to do. If I make it, great. If I don't, so be it.



A good thing is, that I wasn't cocky about it at all, and ANYONE can attest to that, cause I never rubbed it in anyone's face, just told a few people here and there, and just did my little bit of being excited celebrating or w/e, cause who wouldn't? So I can say with a straight face that if I don't make it that its not that karma is coming back for me, cause I was as humble about it as I could possibly be.



Everything happens for a reason, and I fully embrace the future with open arms.



I think of it as a "Start Of Something New"



;)



P.S. Only a few people get that last line. You will all SOON understand it though...